What's your relationship status? Is it complicated? Does your love life feel like the before segment of a bad infomercial about Wonder Sponges - perfect for cleaning anything from dirty dishes to newborns? If the butterflies have been evacuated from your bowels like last night's beans, and you need to revitalise things, then you've come to the right place. Welcome to The Dummies' Guide to Relationships.
Is there anything that can be done to make your relationship less stale? Is it anything like bread - can you cut off the old, hairy green bit, pop it in a toaster, and enjoy it covered in apricot jam with a nice hot cup of rooibos? People are complex, and aren't just crusty bits of delicious carbs ready to be consumed once you've sniffed to check if they're safe. Or are they? The fact that you know that you're in a bit of a rut means that you probably have time before it gets unbearable and escape-worthy. But how do I do that? you ask.
Talk It Out
Bottling all this up won't do you any good. Chances are that if you're feeling it's getting a little stale, your significant other feels the same way. Go ahead and have that difficult conversation. Perhaps consider opening with something direct, like: "So, liefie. Things between us not kiff, né?" or "I have lost my butterflies, love. How about you?"
Use Your Ear
When that conversation starts, it's important (and I'm looking at a certain gender here, cough) to listen. Sure, it's a good time to talk about your feelings (still looking at that gender), but it's imperative that you listen to everything your partner is saying. Sometimes the catharsis from this conversation (and the follow up ones) will be enough to nudge you out of the rut.
Pull Your Weight
Most relationships are not 50/50. Interestingly, new studies reveal that this is perfectly fine. Rather both partners should aim for 100%. Relationships are hard work, and for most to succeed, both partners should be willing to give all. This isn't the mythical sports talk "give it all, boys". It's the practical, financial, emotional, and intimate all.
- Sure, he doesn't have to do dishes, I'm fine doing them. But is that really fair? Wouldn't it be fantastic if he volunteered to do the dishes sometimes?
- Do I tell her I love her enough?
- Have I asked him how work was today?
Spend Time Together
There's more to this than just spending all day nagging one another. If your relationship is getting stale because you're spending hours getting on each other's nerves, then it's probably best to spend more time apart. Otherwise spend more time with each other. Make sure that this doesn't involve both of you endlessly gazing into the loving blue light of your mobile phones. Ban cellphones when you're together. Go camping or hiking, exercise as a couple, go to the movies, or take up dancing. The most important thing is that you do it with each other, so that the process of growing helps you grow closer.
Seek Help?
If nothing works, perhaps it's a good time to seek help. For long term relationships especially, couples' counselling is a good idea. It's a little unreasonable (and very creepy) to expect your new girlfriend to go to therapy with you! It's also important to realise that sometimes relationships can't be saved. But in most cases, it's worth the effort trying to fix things and get out of that rut.
Date Published: 09 May 2016
