Not so Cross Fitness

Not So Cross Fitness

The name says it all, doesn’t it? CrossFit. Cross and fit. I can just imagine a bunch of angry muscleheads alternating between furiously lifting heavy things and screaming obscenities at ceiling-high mirrors. I can almost hear the echoes of bro speak: “How much you just lift, bru?”, “Kiff pectorals, my bru!” and “Flex those quadriceps, mate”. Ergh. All this visualising makes me want to settle down on the couch, with a lap full of caramel doughnuts, and watch that orange chef with blonde hair screaming about how much fat is in his mammoth sandwich.

Or that’s what I thought before I did some research about CrossFit – it turns out the reality is a little different. I’ve seen a worrying trend on social media recently. It seems fit is the new skinny. Everyone has those friends who share endless motivational posts of impossibly ripped models standing next to beautiful sunsets with the inspirational overlaid text. Lift today, be skinny tomorrow. That sort of thing. One of the more popular ways of joining the fit-skinny in crowd is by doing CrossFit, it seems. It’s so popular in fact, that some of its detractors consider it a cult! So, what exactly is CrossFit?

According to its website, CrossFit is a fitness regime developed over several decades. In their own words, CrossFit is “that which optimizes fitness (constantly varied functional movements performed at relatively high intensity). CrossFit is also the community that spontaneously arises when people do these workouts together. In fact, the communal aspect of CrossFit is a key component of why it’s so effective”. Check out this inspirational video for an idea. There are several videos out there about how the culture of CrossFit breaks the musclehead-gym-bunny trope.

So, what can you expect if you were interested in doing CrossFit? Well, other than ending every session lying on the floor trying to maintain composure, you can expect to do the following:

Lifting Weight

I mean, do you even lift bru? Lots of Olympic bar lifting is the order of the day, so you’d be expected to do squats, push presses, shoulder presses, deadlifts, and several other combinations of terribly strenuous looking movements with great big weights.

Swinging Kettlebell

Polly, bring the kettlebells out.

Squat

Squats, squats and more squats. With weights or without, I don’t think it matters!

Throwing medicine ball

Lifting them up, and throwing them about.

Jumping and running

Sprinting, jumping onto boxes, and pushing or lifting heavy things while doing all that can be expected. Also, remember the word burpee. Because, if you start CrossFit, you will learn to hate it. Burpees are full body exercises starting with you standing upright, dropping into a squat with your hands on the ground, kicking your feet back into a push up position, dropping down into a pushup, then returning to your feet into the squat position and finishing it all off with a jump and a clap. That clap could only be a sarcastic one, because no-one would be happy about that.

The philosophy of the sport is that it’s scalable, so anyone could do it. It’s always a good idea to speak to your GP about starting something like this, because it is strenuous exercise and they could help you ascertain whether it’s a good idea or not. Then do some research about CrossFit boxes in your area – a box is what CrossFitters call their gyms. They need to be accredited by the international CrossFit group, which is important because you wouldn’t want just anyone telling you how to hurt yourself! CrossFit boxes which are run by competitive athletes or biokineticists are probably a good idea.

If you decide to give it a go, it’s important to resolve not to become a cross person. The last thing anyone needs is someone angrily doing burpees. It would be hilarious. Those claps would seem considerably less jovial!